Helpless

That is how I'm feeling today. The Mister has so much on his plate from trying to take care of his little family plus the additional emotional needs of the First Duckling, a demanding job where the new office is hoping he, alone, can fix the morale problem, help care for his Mom, give emotional support to his stepdad (and physical), and keep his brother updated on things while trying to gloss over the details to protect his brother who is in a different state. AND there seems to be nothing I can do for him.

Sure, I can be a good 50's wife and keep the house clean, his laundry done, and cook him a good dinner, but that just doesn't feel like enough. I can't heal his heart and he won't let me bear any of the burden.

So, yeah, I feel helpless right now.

I know I've said this before...

Cancer sucks! Plain and simple.

After being home from the hospital for just over a week, my MIL is back in the ER tonight. Possibly, maybe, probably pneumonia. Great, just what she needs now. Not! >:0(

This whole thing is weighing on everybody. The Mister has shut down emotionally, completely retreated to the far reaches of his cave ("Men are from Mars" anyone?), and even when he's just inches from me in bed it feels like there is an ocean between us... It's not just the Mister though because I've had my own issues lately (although I can partially blame PMS)! I was irrationally mad at the MIL for wanting a specific type of jello salad stuff that I'd never made, but then I felt horrid for even being mad! It was one of those cry in the shower times. Too make matters worse, when I told the Mister how I was feeling he looked at me like I was the most horrible person ever. Even used the line, "with all due respect" on me too! His hug was even awkward, not comforting at all.

Needless to say, it's been a tough first month back home. I hope and pray that the emotional ocean recedes and I can get my husband back.

Here's hoping next time I'll have something happy to talk about.